Ambien. No doubt about it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
