yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
