Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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