You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
