You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....