Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.