I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
