It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.