Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
