She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.