He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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