He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
