Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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