All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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