Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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