Your face is a jimmy john
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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