Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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