And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
