drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
