You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
