I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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