i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
