either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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