Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Pants are for mortals
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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