My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
