dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
