What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
