I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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