No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
