she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I need moral support for this bender
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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