you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
