the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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