As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
