My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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