she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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