we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Someone came in the potted fern
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
