I CAN MOONWALK!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
