I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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