talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
