ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Damn victory sex feels great
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
