You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize