i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
