the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize