One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
