It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
