Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
