Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
