Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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