HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
