what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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