I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
