Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
