I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
