Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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