we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
