kristin has been a bad kristin
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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