Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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