When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
