I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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