thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
