I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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