cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
