I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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