I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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