I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
