I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
someone owes me an orgasm
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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