What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A bitchslap is in order.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
