dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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