how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
