i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
