I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
